Drew

There have been countless stories that have been written on blogs, emails, novels, MySpace and even newspapers about gay men and their life stories. But the truth is that everyone’s view is different on the gay subject.

You probably live your life stressed out about if you should come out of the closet or not? Constantly worried about how your friends and family will react if you tell them your "big secret". It has probably driven you to the point where it constantly crosses your mind to the point of obsession and if it hasn't its going too soon trust me.

Heck, you’re probably one of those boys who sit in the locker room and stares at all the other guys changing back into the regular clothing as their hot sweaty muscular bodies glassine taunting you without notice.

Or perhaps your that guy at work who sits there in his office day dreaming about other men in your workforce or searching the internet for a dirty picture that you hope to god is not being monitored by some dorky computer science drop out in the basement of your building.

Or perhaps you’re the football jock, the alpha male who everyone expects to be straight but really isn’t.

If that is not a good depiction of who you are today then simply stop reading this article right now. I am serious close the window, drop the paper and move on with your life.

But if one of those above descriptions describes you perfectly then remember this simple fact. Being gay is just a small part of who we are. It does not define you’re complete character; it is simply a small characteristic of who you are.

No you do not have to be girly to be gay.
No you don’t have to like only boys to be gay.
No you don’t have to be a fashion queen to like other men.
And finally no you’re not lesser then all the other heterosexuals around you

Sure being gay is difficult, heck its hell on earth! But that does not change the fact that you are a homosexual.

Yes there is something wrong with you in comparison to the norm.
Yes your parents might through you out the house when you tell them.
Yes you are going to stick out for the rest of your life.
Yes you might have to break up with your girlfriend.
Yes you might lose your job.
Yes you might not have children one day.

But that’s the way life work. We all have are insecurities and we all have a problems. You think every straight person has a wonderful life, guess again!

You goal in life should be to be happy. Being gay does have its limitation but if being gay is part of who you are, no matter how small, it is not worth the sacrifice. You only have around 80 to 100 years of life in this world, don’t waste it on what the human race, which is already dysfunctional if you haven’t noticed, tell you what to do.

Life’s too short; you’re never going to find the answer that big “what if!” unless you go out on a limb and make it happen. Yes the limb might break and everything will head down hill, but isn’t that no better than just lying to yourself all the time.

Stop questioning and trying to figure everything out in your head, life is full of risks, you got to grab it by the balls and experiment with it. It’s not going to be easy trust me it’s not. But it’s all going to come out at some point so why make yourself suffer for another second? Sees control, make the change and start living now! 

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Jonathan

My name is Jonathan and I am 21 years old. I suppose I knew that I was gay back in the fourth grade. I wasn't sure as to how to express what I was feeling to my family to I kept it quiet. My mother was raised a 7th day adventist so I knew the story and how to play the game so I was able to hide my homosexuality as best as I could. I pretended to be straight for the next 11 years. This was, however, more than a personal hell. I felt as though I was drowning under the pressure of keeping a secret this big for so long. In high school, keeping up the ruse of being straight was a bit easier than I thought. I spent my time playing card games and so keeping myself alienated from the majority of the kids. I also was quite overweight from worrying and stressing over keeping myself quiet. I tried to tell my parents in my junior year of high school when I went on a cruise with them. It seemed like a great opportunity but when the right time came all I got was a stomach ache and made them think I was just sick.

I came out first to my friend Nathan of 5 years back in March of 2009. I was hesitant at first and wanted to tell him so much earlier because I had a crush on him back in High School and he was one of those typical people who would act homophobic if a guy said the wrong thing or spoke to him with a lisp/acted overly friendly. He would also point out girls or talk about them when I was out driving with him so I figure he might have caught on so I had to turn up my disguise a notch. I waited up for him after my parents had gone to sleep for him to get home from work (he lived with us at this time because his parents had booted him out of their house). When he got home I sat him down and asked him "No matter what happens, we will always be friends. Right?" At this point he looked rather confused and nervously said "Yeah. Of course." I started to cry a bit because I was afraid that he would hit me or just out of the house and never speak to me again. I finally looked at him and said that "I have been hiding something from you since the moment I met you." There was a short pause and he began looking more and more confused. "I\'m gay." I told him finally. He sat back in his chair and seemed ok with it after that which surprised the hell out of me.

After I thought of him as my 'safety net' of sorts and would support me through this. The next day I began getting a serious upset stomach because I knew I would have to tell my parents if I wanted to be myself. I lied down on the couch and he came out to the living room and sat down and asked "What are you thinking about? " I told him "I have to tell my parents but I'm afraid of what will happen. I don't want my relationship with them to change too much. I'm afraid of the possibility of them disowning me. If I don\'t tell them it will pop out of me like an alien..." He said "You will have to tell them eventually. Best to get it out of the way. Either way I'm here and will support you. " I thanked him and said "I'll tell them tonight."

That night before they went to talk to my friend, I sat down in the living room and asked "Can you turn off the TV please?" They looked at me with smiles and asked "What's going on?" Just like with Nathan I started to get a knot in my throat and felt it hard to talk. I started off with "I've been hiding something from you for a few years now." Also just like Nathan they seemed confused and there was a longer pause with them. I looked and them both, knowing that I had tears starting to roll down my face I said "I'm gay." Surprisingly my dad took it rather well and said "Wow." My mom was obviously in shock and tried to hold back the emotional freight train that was headed my way. My mom, of course, asked "Are you sure?" I responded with a swift "Yes. I am."

I smiled and hugged them both. My dad then told me he had been a big supporter of Gay Rights groups for a few years prior. Also, knowing him, I’m sure he was quietly trying to think of one of his strange jokes to tell that would relate to the situation. Bless him though, he didn’t think of anything. After that It took a while for it to sink in so I waited to tell my two sisters. When I told my oldest sister and her husband they were cool with it. Same with my older sister. The middle one of us three told me one day that they had both already known and had talked about it on many occasions and she was also mad at me for waiting to tell her last. This made me feel great knowing that I would have someone else to talk to if I needed to.

It is now the day before Christmas, my first Christmas since coming out and I feel better than I ever have.

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Anon

Well, to be honest I don't know how to start this story. I guess the only place to start is probably the stereotypical spot to start. When did I first notice that I was gay.

Looking back now, I guess it had to have been in the 6th grade but who could tell then honestly. I was to busy jumping around the place that I didn't have time to worry about these things called relationships, but that Gym teacher was soo hot that i would have liked to butter his grill. Anyway, I did end up liking girls for a time being but it felt like something i had to do to please my family and my friends. I figured everyone else was doing it may as well do it too. More importantly I wanted to please my family. Not only was being gay hard for me to accept but being gay and Asian too.

What people don't know or don't see is that Asian families are tight and that for most of their lives that's all they know and want to protect. Coming out to their parents is rough because we already know the outcomes and it kills us to know the alternatives. It hurts me to know that I'll be shunned by my parents forever. Yeah, sure i may have a support group or great friends who care for me and support everything i do and am, but to hear those word "You are dead to me." will always hunt you, and our life you knew and grew up with is gone forever.

I stayed in the closet for a long time because i wasn't selfish. I cared what people thought about my family too much that I sacrificed my happiness to keep my family safe. To be in the closet for me was to sacrifice everything to insure everyone else' happiness. I truly haven't come out of the closet only because i feel that being gay is like being straight. No straight person i knew had to tell me he/she was straight. They just were. Being is the same. I shouldn't have to let the whole world know that I'm gay. Besides, who was to know what i do in bed with men anyways. But people do know that i am gay. I respect them enough to let them know that their brother is gay and that their friend is gay.

I'm 21 now, and i still haven't came out to my parents. Will i ever tell them. Probably not, but deep down i do. Honest to god i do. I want them to look me in the eyes and see who i am, but they do\'t deserve it. Call me selfish because i am.

I hope listening to this will give you all the courage that i didn't have to confront your demons. Remember that you are not only when you fight because I'll be there and everyone else who knows and share your pain will be there.
 

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Erik

I'm Erik, 20 years old, and I'm gay.  I have always lied to myself about the whole thing.  I avoided the issue, and almost constantly had a girlfriend in high school.  Can you say "Facade"? Senior year came and went, and I did nothing about my true feelings.  In college I met a ton of great people that I felt I could confide in.  Everyone was very accepting of me.  I even met a great guy who helped me along the way.  I felt great about myself.  I even told my mother, who was very understanding.  My father is still in the dark for now.  We have other things to sort out first.  



Then it all changed.  Circumstances arose that forced me to make a HUGE life choice.  I decided to join the U.S. Military.  Back into the closet I went.  Throughout training I snuck off to gay bars with another LGBT friend, hoping nobody I knew would spy me walking into the establishments.  Being back in the closet hurt so much, but it was something I had to do.  Almost 2 years went by in the military, and nothing seemed right.  I was getting into trouble, slacking on my studies, losing sleep.  I started drinking heavily and felt very alone.  I felt as though I had nobody to talk to because my job depended on me being quiet about my sexuality.

 One night something struck me.  I knew i couldn't hold back anymore.  I couldn't lie to myself or the people I cared about for one more second. 

 From that point on, whenever the situation was right, I told my buddies about who I really was.  Soon I told my co-workers, and even my direct leadership.  (She said to come to her about ANYTHING)  All have been very accepting of me.  I even got a few "Well DUH!" responses.  The moral of my story:  No matter what the consequence, be true to yourself.  If it means being persecuted, so be it.  If it means losing your job and changing your plans in life, so be it.  I am fully aware that if ONE wrong thing is said to the wrong person, I will be separated.  But it's worth it.  Never keep something that you should be proud of bottled up inside. 

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Justin Tano

Hi, I'm 19 and from canada.

I'll keep my story short, so here we go.

I only realized I was gay when I was in high-school. Before high-school I had girlfriends that I would do stuff with, I would get a hard on, and to this day i still don't understand my sexuality 100%. Coming out to my friends and family was easy, I have great accepting parents. My mom knew before I even told her. She has always sensed that I was different, and that even though I always had girls coming at me left and right, that I had no interest in them besides friendship, which was true. I realized I was gay in about grade 10, when I met this guy that I hung out with and ended up doing sexual things with. It was then when I knew for sure that I was more attracted to men than women. I decided from then on I would keep the fact that I was gay on the down low until high-school was over. I dint want to be rejected by friends and people just because of my sexuality. But then in grade 12 I met this amazing guy and decided I wanted to come out for him, and have a normal relation-ship, I dint want to hide my relationship.

I came out to my parents first, my mom said whatever makes me happy is okay and it would never change how she felt about me. She had gay and lesbian friends and never though of them differently. She\'s the only truly person I care about in my life, without my mom I would never survive in this world so knowing she was okay with my sexuality, I was ready to tell anyone, and quit denying that I was gay. The moment my mom knew I told my best friends and at that moment in my life I truly became and felt myself. It was great to know that I wasn't lying anymore and had nothing to hide. Pure freedom.  I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend, but still to this day thank him for helping and being on my side though my coming out.

But being gay in a small town has limits, I ended up dating the wrong guys that wanted the wrong things. I've been mentally abused and used. I realized that I would often lust over love my relationships and realized my mistakes, and work on finding the right guy. Someone that wants the same things in life, and just an all around great guy. I know live in a bigger city and still looking for love, and skipping out on the users and abusers. I find it hard to look past the lust, but I wish someday to meet Mr. perfect. With still the idea that someday maybe I might pass this faze, and realize that I can be sexually attracted to women. Ever since junior high I haven\'t dated a girl and hope that maybe if I give it a chance someday I can find more than just friendship. Some of the mistakes I've done and want you to learn from are, never let your partner choose to not use protection. If they truly love you and like you they will accept your choice for using protection. 

Justin Tano < not real name. btw.

Peace and Love

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Dylan

I am a 15 year boy and have just recently figured out that I am gay.
I accept the fact that I am.
I am a basketball player on varsity.
I have always known that I was bi.

I have forced myself to try and be straight but it never really worked for me.
No one really expects that I am because I dated a lot of girls in junior high.
My parents have always known since I was little from what they told me.
Mom and Step-Dad know, and are perfectly okay with it.
My sister knows too, she finds it a little awkward when I say guys are hot and what not, but other than that she thinks that its cool.

 My closest friends know my best friend knows. She is a girl. And I dated her for quite a bit.
When she found out that I cheated on her with two guys, she was furious.
She called me a hypocrit because the last time we dated she cheated on me, and I quit talking to her.
But she undetstood why and was okay with it after a day.

It is getting harder now that I am in highschool, and people are starting to think I am.
I would like to get out of this small town and into a larger city.
It would make it easier and I could probably could find someone to love.
But I am just going to have to wait till I get out of highschool for any of that.
But other than that everything is great and they all accept me.

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Adrian

Hi everyone. My name is Adrian, and I’m 17 years old.

First of all, I am neither just gay or just straight, I feel I have to consider myself closer to bisexual, for now.

Ever since I have been able to sense my own sexual feelings I have been attracted to members of both sexes. Perhaps even before puberty, I remember once, when I was in my first year of primary school, I started talking to a nice lad in my class during the day and later that evening I dreamt about swimming naked with him. Yeah, I know that may not be necessarily ‘gay’, but I’ll leave that to you to decide.

I was also quite strongly bullied all the way through my primary school life. Guess what the degrading word was? Yes, the word was ‘gay’. I was called that even before I knew what it meant. I still wonder whether the bullies picked up on any apparent feminine behaviour of mine, or whether it was just coincidence.

I often felt attracted to boys during changing time for P.E. (games). A quick glimpse of a male torso, shirtless of course, would leave me with a warm feeling pulsating round me. Meanwhile, I also liked the look of the girls in my school too. I couldn’t understand why there should be a difference in what someone could be attracted to, surely, as we’re all human, we can all like each other. Right? Wrong?

As time went on, and I moved into my later years of primary school certain words to do with sex began to float around. I couldn’t understand why members of both sexes would swear and behave all silly when talking about sexual words. To me, even now, I perceive sex as a natural and perfectly ordinary action, whoever it is between. I do not understand why it reduces some people to indecency and behaving on the whole rather crudely. I especially do not understand why it has to be between two members of the opposite sex.

Soon after beginning secondary school, I experienced even more sexual urges. I couldn’t believe my luck that all the lads got changed together in a relatively small room, and there were even more male bodies showing themselves, and some were getting nice and defined by this stage! And the girls in swimming classes, well…

The more I thought about what was right, the more confusion seemed to engulf me.

One day I decided that yes, I would come out to my parents that I liked both men and women. I must have been about 14, and just as I was approaching the room they were in I heard them talking. I stopped, and I listened. I heard them make fun of some gay TV star, and then one said something I have never forgotten.

“Ha, well at least none of my sons will turn out like him, all of my sons are perfectly straight thank you!”

I stopped in my tracks. I could not go forward. How could I possibly tell my parents of my true feelings after that homophobic outburst? I just couldn’t.

So, where am I now? At the moment I have not yet ‘come out’ to anybody, i.e. I allow others to believe that I am ‘straight’.  I do not have a boy or girlfriend, and I am still attracted to both sexes. As it happens, I feel that eventually I want to have a relationship with a female, have children and go down that route of sexual relationships.

My advice? Encourage people to believe that sexual attraction does not come in one form. I believe that there is no such thing as gay or straight or bisexual person (I only honestly call myself bisexual as that is the closest term describing what I do believe in). I feel that anyone can feel attraction to anyone else, and should be freely allowed to express that emotion.

Everybody is different, between us we have all sorts of varieties in our personalities. So why should we try and categorise our sexuality? We shouldn’t, categories have only been created by those who wish to be intolerant against the variety of human choice and the liberty of free will.

Make up your own mind when it comes to choosing what road you take, if you do not allow yourself to make the decision yourself, someone might make the wrong decision for you. ;)

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Siva

I live in South India most conservative society. The word homo or gay is considered a sin and infact few years before many did not even realise or know such things existed. When I was 19 years I was spending Friday evening at  my friends house. He was living with his mom (his dad had died). I had a crush on him but I never made it known to him. We were good friends. We lay in bed and were chatting till late night. Slowly the topic turned to sex. Then I stared to admire his shirt less body and touched his muscles. He was suprised and did not know how to react. I took the chance and touched his prick and he lay still I removed his clothes and enjoyed his body he was erect and came out. But lay still confused. I then came to my senses. Felt very bad and sorry that I had used my friendship to satisfy myself as I realised he was not interested in gay. I apologised a number of times and said our sex topics led me to act so. He did excuse my behaviour. But then I could never disclose to him that i am gay in case I lose his valuable friendship.I still have him as my friend. I have other gay friends which he does not know. Even today I feel happy that I managed to save my friendship.

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Chris

im 16 and still in highschool. im not going to write a  story about how i struggled to accept that i was gay,that has been said to death.                                                  

i could give up everything to change it but i just have to accept what i cant change. depression, loneliness...you name it, i have been through it all,i have even hated god for making me this way...did i mention i have tried to kill myself twice for it too.                                      

high school has been hell for me because thats when i really got to deal with who i am,i have tried to avoid it as much as possible but its always at the back of my head.that was until i met scott,one of the hottest guys in my grade,all the girls were crazy about him.                            

we were never really friends but he ended up sitting next to me in math class and we got quite close.one day during football practice he came to me when i was sitting in the stands watching the game,we talked about a lot of things and out of the blue he asked me if i was gay,at this point i had not told anyone about my orientation and for some reason i said yes,this guy that i just met months ago was the first person i came out to. i had friends whom i had known for years but couldnt tell them,i suppose the fact that i had a crush on him played a part.                        

what happened next was beyond my expectation,he had this plain reaction and told me he was gay too,i told him i didnt believe him,i mean he was the most straight guy you could find in school and could get any girl he wanted,to prove his point he just kissed me there and then,i had a couple of girlfriends before but there he was my first boyfriend and true love.we are still together today but most of all im just happy i have someone i can talk to and who understands me.                                  

i later told my best friend who is a girl,she was shocked but she is more like a sister to me and everything went back to normal.i havent told my parents,not until im able to take care of myself at least,i might just find myself in the streets,my dad and i never got along,we have always waited for the other to make a mistake so we can pick a fight.                     

after reading the stories here i came out to my closest friends and they were fine,i also hope no one will take their own life over this because we are all different in our own way,some just happen to be gay.

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Ronny

Hi. My name is Ronny and I am 15 years old.

So I guess it all started when I was about 7 (I know a very young age) me and my cousin would always give each other oral sex. Even though back then I had no idea what we were doing, but I still went along with it. Though that is still one of the biggest regrets of my life! And I would yak it back in a heartbeat!

In school I would always get along much better with girls, but I always had a good many guy friends. Though in school I always get made fun of because many people think that I am gay. Though this de not stop me from making frieda and I still have a good bunch of friends. But still many people continue to make fun of me and I wish people knew how much it hurts. But you cannot change what people think.


So in 4th grade I met my beat friend ever! And yes it is a guy. We would alwas hang out on weekends and on the weekeds. We were the best of friends. Yes we have gone through our rough patches, but what friendship doesn\'t? One night we were spending the night at a friends house, the other friend left. So me and my friend decided to play truth or dare it started out harmless, go walk down this hallway ect. Then it was touch by penis. Give me a BJ you have to receive (though both of us did not cum so I do not count it as sex). And I loved it (I had already had my suspistins that my fried was gay) but after we got done I felt bad like I had done something wrong. I did not know what to do.........

Me and my friend went through some more rough patches and we did not talk for 4 months (this was torture for me). But then we reconciled and we hung out again. This time I kept on hinting that we should play truth or dare, so eventually we did. Again BJ. Hand job. Anal. Make out. But this time I told him that he had to give me a BJ and I had to cum. And I did the same or him. But again afterwards I still felt as though I had done something bad. But I have learned to deal with it and accept myself for being gay. Even though after that night me as that friend have never hung out even though we still talk at school and all. Which hurts me because he is the one that took my virginity. and it hurts me every weekend that we do not hang out. And I actually think I love him

I have not come out to my patents yet. They both think that I am straight. I plan on yelling them when I am in college so that it will not be very ackward. The only person I have come out to isvmy friend. I did this in hopes that he would also admit to being gay. But no such luck.

I hope that one day by friend will understand and we will eventually date.

Good luck everyone out there! Wish me luck!

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Alan

I guess my story is kind of different from most guys. I look like every other guy, at least that\'s what I thought before I got to highschool. It was natural for guys to flirt with me. I got it since Middle School. At first I thought they were just playing games to make themselves look cool, but when I got to high school I found out it was much more.

In highschool I wore baggy clothes. I never really looked at how I looked, but I always made sure that my jeans had a little baginess to them. The Boys made fun of me and the girls loved to be around me. The boys would never call me gay to my face or faggot but they did asked my brother and sister if I was gay? And my brother and sister would tell me all the time what was said.

After a while in high school I noticed guys looking at me in a weird way like they wanted something. Then Looks turned into stares, and stares turned into flirting. Every single period there was a guy waiting for me to walk in the room so they could flirt with me. It started to make me feel really special. The same time that I started to get noticed was the same time that I met a guy that was bold enough to actually admit that he had feelings for me. He was a senior when I was a freshman and he sat right behind me in Algebra class. He made his first move while I was walking out of the classroom he smacked my butt with a ruler and headed to our 4th period class smiling at me.

When we arrived in class he gave the signal for me to go to the restroom. Me scared and having southern charm shook my head saying no. He looked upset for a second and said please under his breath. I walked away and acted like nothing happened. Later that evening I had band practice from 6pm-9pm. I forgot my instrument in my locker across the school so I quickly made my way down the halls and I ran into a group of guys who were in the band also. Upperclassmen.

They asked me where I was going and if anybody was around. I said no. Then one of them put there hands on me and rubbed my back side all the way down to my butt and made a barking sound like a dog. I completely grew freightened and tried to get him off of me. Then I was surrounded on all sides by the boys who ripped my shirt pulled down my shorts and forced themselves on me. I thought it was over for me. I never thought I would get raped before. I didn\'t think boys thought of me like that. I began to cry when I heard my director calling down the hall for us to come to practice. The boys got scared and left me alone. My director asked me what happened? I told her nothing.

It made me realize that all guys aren\'t as straight as they say they are. These were the same guys who flirted with me everyday and I flirted back with. They were people I considered friends. Although they did help me understand the power of rape it also helped me understand the nature of my body. I was always quite a looker. My friends tell me i have the back side of a woman with a large butt and that I have a curvy shape. After that night I was able to express myself in the way I dressed. I could show off my body and look good while doing it. Throughout the rest of highschool I landed many boyfriends and was accepted by all the boys and I had many issues with girls because there boyfriends thought I was hotttt!!!

That\'s why I never shut down a guy who say\'s he\'s straight because I think that every man has a gay side inside of them. It gave me pleasure and some conceitness to know that men of all shapes,sizes, and orientation even thought about me in a sexual way.

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Max

-\"i\'m not gay\"... how many times i didn\'t say this phrase to myself?

Since i was little i knew i was not like all the other guys, i usually was interested on other boys and not on grils, and i knew this was \"wrong\" but i didn\'t do anything because i was to little to understand what was being \"gay\".

So, at the age of 11 i had my first girlfriend (of course we were both little and it was nothing serious), i knew that i really didn\'t feel anything for her, but i just wanted to go out with her to prove my self that i was not gay... i gotta say that this was hard, because i was with the girl knowing that i didn\'t love her and that i was just using her; so eventuallty i break her up.

Next year (still trying to prove myself i was not gay) i dated this girl again, but this time things were a little bit more serious, she was more into things like kissing, of course this was not cool with me, because i didn\'t want to kiss her at all; well nothing happend and this time she broke up with me.

At the age of 14 i had a bestfriend (a girl), but then i found out she was in love with me... i\'m not sure what happend there, i thought i was in love with her and i started goign out with her, when we were already couple i realised i had confused the feeling of a good friendship with love; so i break her up.... after that we never spoke again and all our good friendship was lost (i still regret it).

When i got to the age of 15 i realised this problem was getting more and more big... everytime i was more and more interested by men, and less by women. but i kept telling myself \"i\'m not gay\" or \"i choose not to be gay\", so once again i tryed having an other girlfriend (this is the only time i could say i kind of fell in love with a gril); this was much more serious: i met her parents, she met mine, and with her i kissed a lot of times... but it was not good because eventhough i tryed to tell myself that this was \"the good thing to do\" i saw were things were going to, it was not going to be only kisses but there was comming more, so i decided to put an end to it, same as with the other: we never spoke again. That was my last girlfriend.

After this i knew i was gay but i just couldn\'t accept it,there was no way that i could accept myself as gay, my family wouldnt accept it, they\'re pretty religious and they always talk of gay people as something totally crazy, \"sick and wrong people\". Besides, my family has always thought of me as a good boy that has lot of girls; so i couldnt even think about the idea of telling them.

It\'s been more than two years now, that i had my last girlfriend, and i dont plan to have an other, it was very mean from my part to do this to these girls.
Eventually i got to accept myself as gay, it\'s hard, and i have just told to some friends, they took it well. but i dont have any intention to tell my family; in my house our parents gave me and my sisters the posibility to go were ever we want to study, and if we wanna stay to live over there we can; so as soon as i finish school i\'ll got to europe and i\'ll stay there for ever where i hope to find a true love.

Sometimes i ask myself \"why me?\" and you know, i just can\'t get this answer, but i can say that i\'m glad i finally got to accept myself, things in life happen and we never know why.
So whoever you are, wherever you are, and whichever your case is, i tell you: follow your heart and not your conscience, dont loose your time telling your self you\'re not gay, because that\'s not gonna change this fact. Accept your self as you are! and you\'ll see that things will go much better.
I tell this story because i have nobody here to trust enough for telling it, i hope you can get whatever you look in life; and if your case is like mine then do something before it\'s too late;
now i\'m almost 17 and it\'s hard to think about all the years of my life i lost trying not to be gay... now i just hope and think about finding the right boy, and i just know that i dont regret being gay, and that it\'s something i like, after all this is how i was born, this is me.

Max.

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Etienne

Hi, i'm Etienne and i'm 16 years old.

I knew I was gay ever since i knew that my name was Etienne. In my youth, i used to pay more attention to the guy, the prince or whatever male figure there was in the story than to the entire fable. The children at my elementary school noticed quickly that I was different from the others kids. They used to shout out names when I walked down the street. I didn't have a lot of friends, maybe two or three, all girls.

From age 3 to 10, my brother and I slept in the same room and talked lenghtily before falling asleep. One night, at age 7, unaware of the huge consequence this would generate, I asked my brother if he would bother sleeping with me in a sexual way. After he thought about it, he invited me to join him in his bed. I didn't refuse.

We didn't have sex that night since he couldn't get aroused and because I was too young to get excited about it. But this didn't make it less regretful afterwards. This experience haunted me throughout all my childhodd, and still.

Years after, I went to High school and I was still seen as the little gay boy walking down the hallway. Many boys asked me out, hot boys. But even if I knew that I was gay and that it was alright, something kept me from having boyfriends. At first, I thought it was because I was not really gay, but that was definitely false. Through years, I discovered that the problem was generated by the environment where I had been raised. As a matter of fact, I was born in a house where religion and faith were the main virtues. And in those moralities, homosexuality was just not part of it. My parents always spoke against it and told me that gayness was just a waste of human beings and a bad choice. Yes, they thought it was a choice. And because those ideas were forged so deep in my soul by my parents, I just couldn't go against it.

It took me years to have a real relationship with a boy. And still, I don't even know if I can call it like that. My first love was an internet romance. A real one. We met on an art website. We had the same interest, the same mentality, and the same love for each other. It was perfect, well, at least it's what i thought until that day. We lived far away from each other, so I decided to organise a trip to his hometown to finally see him. I was overexcited about this project, I couldn't wait to tell him. One day, I came back home from school, hopped on the computer and started to write. Once I was done explaining, he told me the most harsh words I ever heard. He said: "You can come and see me, but just for you to know, my feelings toward you aren't the same than years ago..." We never spoke to each other again.

When I was 13, I started to tell my friends about my homosexuality and most of them reacted really positively. They would say: "I doesn't change the way I see you." or " Gay or not, you're still the same person." But then came the moment where I had to tell my parents. I was frightened just by the idea of saying it to my mom. And this fateful day came far too early. I was sitting in the basement when she came to ask me this question. She asked me if I liked boys or girls, and I chose the first option. She tried to understand me and to convince me that I just didn't find the good girl. Finally, she wanted to make me go see a psychologist, but instead, she went to see one herself and she eventually understood that my problem was not such a problem after all. Still, I hear my mom arguing with my father that I will change and that it's just a temporary state.

My father was always on my side of the line when we spoke about homosexuality. And I always wondered why. I thought: "Isn't a father supposed to be against the fact that his son is gay?" I got my answer not long after. We were having supper, my dad and I, when suddenly, he looked at me in the eye and said: "You know, I resemble you more than you think." And he did. He admitted his homosexuality to me, told me about his miserable youth and how his dad couldn't manage to have a gay son. This little sentence tightened the bond between me and my father like never before.

I don't know if I wrote all of this for nothing and if it will help anyone, but i'm sure that, 5 years ago, it would've helped me.

Good luck,
Etienne

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Adam

hi, I'm Adam and I'm 14 yuears old

I suppose i started when me and a friend, henry were messing about at school and ended up having oral sex, I think i was about 7 years old at this time and didnt call myself gay.
I then had a string of boys of my own age who I was having sexual relationships with at the same timethere was my best friend who I was serious about and I really liked him but he was completely homophobic and just said he did it for the laugh so I never told him how i felt.
Then there were 2 boys from my primary school who were together and were picked on because of it, they showed me how it worked and i had sex, mostly oral, with them on and off for a few years. They once pressured me to have anal sex with them and i refused.

I then moved to a different town and became really good friends with a boy who was almost a month younger then me and developed a huge crush on him we got to the point where i was about to ask him out and I had to move schools and leave him behind.

I found a lot of friends ni my new school one of whom was a gay boy called sean who I fell in love with but he didnt feel the same and stayed only my friend. I had a lot of relationships with younger boys when at secondary school including someone 3 years younger than me which i felt really bad about because  we got drunk and i had sex with him, i believe he ws too young to hve sex the way i did.

i then met Laura who i am currently with and even though shes a girl it is real love.

My message i9s to keep your horizons open and never get so stuck on the fact that u think you are exclusively gay to stop looking for a opposite sex partner!! 

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Daniel

Hi my name is Daniel and I'm 17, I'm gay. The problem that i have right now is with my parents i haven't told them that I'm gay. I'm afraid that they are going to reject me by whom i really am. Now i am going to tell you guys how i turn gay.

  Everything started when i was 5 years old, in that time me and my parents we used to lived in Mexico. Sometimes i tell my parents why did we had to move to Mexico and they tell me because of economical problems. so back to my story, one day me and my others cousins were playing hide and sick until my cousin started to touch my private parts (i got aroused) so we i started to like it. So from that they on we started to do bad things, one everyone was in the house were out side and me and my cousin were in a room by ourselves and we began to had sex (men i regret doing that) my grandpa catches us doing that so they heat us and we never try to do that again. this another secret that i have and never told my parents about it i had sex with my other cousin.

I think i did that because i felt lonely because my dad  had left us for about two years and my mom had to work all day long so i had to take care of my little sister. so that had happen and my mom forgived my dad so we had to move back to the united states. So i started  school by not knowing any English that was a problem for me because i couldn't communicate with anyone that was hard for me to learn a whole new language. In middle school i took ESL i knew a little bit of English that was one of the years that were hard because many were telling me names like you look gay. I made friends they were cool but they never knew that i was gay. sometimes i wish i could of tell them. that had happen in middle school.

 In 9th grade everything was much better because   i was more mature than the other students i was like the shy one from the class they didn't bug me allot. So that was great i made new friends most of them were girls because i felt more protected because every time that some would told that something they would of talk back to them. In my 10th grade i had regular English that was cool. OK now iam going to tell you about my first crush. I was in my Spanish class 2nd semester i was doing my work and some i was checking in our class he was attractive because he was a pretty boy but something about him attracted  me  i dint knew him so one day we started to talk and he told me "whats your name" and "i told them Daniel." "i response and yours Israel" . since that day we never talked again but we said hi to each other. That pass and my 11th grade i was in the honor roll so me and another girlfriend were taking AP Biology she new Israel so he told her that was gay so then she told me that he was gay and told my self hey Daniel this is your chance to ask him out but i was shy to tell him . My friend didn't knew that i was gay until one day she ask me Daniel are you gay and i told her yes that  was the first per son that knew with that she gave me the courage to tell my other friends that i was gay and they accept me by really i am. Then my BFF told me if i liked someone and i said yes i told is the guy that you went out that guy was Israel i was kind of jealous and she told me that she was sorry i said its okay. so that was that.  

  Now that i am a senior i have to much pressure because i have to apply to some universities. but i feel good because last October some teacher sends us note that me and my friend had to take a test so we did went. We went in class we sat and were waiting for more people so the teacher gave us some paper and then Israel comes in and sits at the sane table that we were sit in but o couldn't see him because the computers were in the way. We were taking our test ,and my friend wrote something to Israel. So we switch places my so that my friend could of whisper to him. they were talking and i was doing my test so she had finish first than me than told me to move by him and we started to talk and i felt something in my stomach we talk about our personal life and he told me that he was bisexual and i told them that i was gay he was shocked because we use to talk but i never told him that i was gay. that was surprising for him so the teacher came and told me to move because we were talking . I finish and he touch my hand that was the happiest day of my life . but i was going to ask  him out but my friend told him that i like him and he told her that he was int resting on me . Everything collapse . so right now i am  here thinking about him and get him out of my head.

   So this i want i think if you love someone ask him out before someone tells him that you like him. Always be your self and love you by whom you really are. One of my dream is to find my prince Charmin one day.           

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